Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
