Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
