Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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