She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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