Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
my being single is dangerous.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
