if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
