just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize