White coat. Heels.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
