just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
