God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
