He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize