i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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