The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
