A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
