He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
