I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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