That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
