You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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