I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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