i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I have so many feelings about this burrito
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
