Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
