I'm laying in your front yard are you home
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I seem to have left my pride at pride
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
