There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
