So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
