That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
