Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
