WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize