He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
