He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
