Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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