Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
