I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
