I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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