I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
