you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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