they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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