her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I queefed so loud it echoed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
