If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
