i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
