i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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