I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
sex in a hospital.. check
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
