new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
