Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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