What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
