you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
