Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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