That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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