Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
then he tried to convert me to islam
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
