I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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