First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
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