Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Randomize
