Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
