about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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