you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
