plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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