I will die if light touches me.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
