I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize
