There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
