and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
