I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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