is your mom at the bar?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
