We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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