i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
