dude i'm inner monologue high
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
