The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
