I got chris browned last night
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
