Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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